


Sassy Gay Friend: Les Mis Edition

by zara2148



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Crossover, M/M, Parody, attempts at being funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 07:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zara2148/pseuds/zara2148
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meet Javert from Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables. He is about to kill himself over an irreconcilable moral dilemma. This fate could have been avoided if he had a Sassy Gay Friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sassy Gay Friend: Les Mis Edition

_Meet Javert from Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables. He is about to kill himself over an irreconcilable moral dilemma. This fate could have been avoided if he had a Sassy Gay Friend._

“There is no where I can turn. There is no way to go-”

“What are you doing? What, what, WHAT are you doing?!”

Javert turned from his perch on the bridge to see a young man in a black sweater flippantly tossing an orange scarf over his shoulder. The orchestra died as pop music kicked in, accompanied by the sparkly words “Sassy Gay Friend.”

“Look, Javer-ama queen, just get down from that parapet and we’ll talk. A nice American-to-Frenchman conversation without the usual hostilities.”

As if responding to a superior officer, Javert immediately jumped down. “Can this not wait?” 

“Um, NO. Considering you did just gave a suicide note in verse. Although, that song was amazing. Do you think I could get a copy?”

Javert stared.

“Right, sorry now’s not the time. Anyway, this whole ‘It is either Valjean or Javert’ thing has to stop. This is France, the land of Madame Guillotine, frog legs and long-winded diatribes; not some college ethics class. It’s big enough for the two of you.”

Sassy Gay Friend rolled his eyes. “Especially because, let’s face it, the only place you want to handcuff that man is to your bedpost. There, I said it.”

“What?!” Javert sputtered. “How dare you - there is nothing on earth that we share!”

“Okay, first don’t spout your song lyrics at me,” He said with a dismissive snap of his manicured hand.

“And second…” Sassy Gay Friend arched a brow. “Outside of a Star Trek episode I have never seen this much unresolved homoerotic tension. You spent twenty years hunting the guy, just admit you have a thing for him.”

“Well…” Javert burst into an uncharacteristic blush and mumbled, “he does have a rather nice ass.”

“See? And I’m sure there’s plenty more nice to him. But you have to get to know him outside of creepy stalking.”

Javert clasped his hands behind his back as he stood rigid, social awkwardness suddenly all too apparent. “I suppose so…” 

“So, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to go back to his apartment and you’re going to take him out someplace nice – again, this is France, that should be no problem.”

“Then over dinner you say, ‘I like you, and I want to see more of you.’ But don’t come on too strong, I know you have a problem with that. Oh, and mention that you’re not interested in arresting him anymore. Think you can manage that?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Sassy Gay Friend beamed at him. “Now, let’s go and find you something nice for your date. And get those man-burns of yours groomed, you stupid bitch.”

Sassy Gay Friend smiled at the readers with a wink. 

“He’s a stupid bitch.”


End file.
